Failing Victory
by MeridaFaeScott
Summary: She would never let him know. It would be her secret forever. Even if her life was miserable in the process.


**Not exactly sure where abouts this came from, but it came and that's all that matters…I actually think I like this oneshot and hope I get some reviews! :D Excuse any mistakes due to my eagerness to put this up. ;)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Camp Rock.**

Once upon a time, I fell in love with Nathan Phillip Gray. I know, I know-you're thinking I'm just like any other fangirl who has heard his music, seen his smile (which isn't _that_ rare), and watched him play guitar. But that's where you're wrong.

I fell in love with him because of his eyes-yes, his eyes. They're dark and brown, warm and change with his mood and thoughts. When he's happy he'll smile more often with his eyes before his lips, and when he's mad they seem to be full of sparks.

I fell in love with his hands, too. You're probably thinking that's strange, but let me elaborate and maybe you'll understand. Anyone who knows anything about playing guitar or piano (or really any instrument) knows the importance hands are in making perfection. Not only in music, but in everything, his hands produce perfection. When he twirls a pen between his fingers in thought, the way he runs his hands through his hair-I even watch when he shakes peoples' hands. Okay, so maybe you still think it's weird.

Anyways, enough of my fantasizing. I'm not usually like this. Normally, I'm calm and cool around guys and can have whomever I please wrapped around my fingers. It's just the way I am-some people say I get that charm from my mother, but let's not think about her right now.

So what if I'm the "mean girl" at camp? People change and I have. I just wish they (being pretty much everyone) would see it. Instead they avoid me like the plague-and I'll admit it hurts. I don't know how to make friends, I've never really tried to make friends, just had "friends". I don't even have "friends" anymore.

"This party is miserable." I muttered to myself, my bright blue eyes roaming around the room dismally. Okay, that may not be true-everyone seemed to be laughing and having a great time. Except me.

Crushing the now empty paper cup in my hands, I tossed it in the nearest trash can before crossing the room and pushing open the door. Whose idea it was to have a party, I still have no idea. Don't really care, to be honest.

The cool, fresh air calmed me. It was the beginning of summer-just a couple weeks before Camp Rock would be starting again. Maybe that was the point to the party-I wasn't told. I didn't even bother to tell anyone I was leaving-no one would notice.

I just _love_ celebrity events. I do hope you caught the sarcasm in that statement. Because if you think I love faking a smile and a good time, you're insane. For once, just _once_, I'd like to have a real smile and actually have a good time. Even my bright red satin dress didn't cheer me up. Granted, it was quite a simple dress with straps, but even I (in my changed self) have to admit it looked perfect with my skin tone and dirty blonde waves. And my red lip gloss.

The room was full of cheerful, polite voices and I couldn't help but feel quite empty as I walked along, trying to keep from staring at my black strapped wedges. I'm always comfortable in heels, possibly because my mother used to make me wear them as soon as I turned thirteen. Now, it's always just natural.

However, I did almost trip at the sight my eyes caught across the room. He, Nathan Phillip Gray, was standing beside a brunet that looked vaguely familiar. Skimming the room for sight of his brothers, I saw Shane dancing with Caitlyn and Jason telling a story quite animatedly to Mitchie, Ella, and two other unfamiliar faces. It only took a moment for my gaze to return to _him_.

Their fingers were interlocked and the sight made me feel nauseated. My face felt flushed at the jealousy I felt eating me inside so I bit my tongue and tried to act nonchalant as I put as much distance between him and I as possible. Chances were, he wouldn't even notice me in the crowd of people, so why was I feeling so frantic to escape?

Dresses swirled around my as people walked by, smiles lighting up faces as champagne was served. The ages of the people varied from the youngest celebrity involved-I swear I saw a boy there that looked fourteen- to the eldest-those who looked as though they needed a walker.

I grabbed a champagne glass from a waiter walking by with several glasses of the drink. In the safety of the empty balcony, I felt much safer knowing there was a roomful of people and two doorways between us now. Downing the drink much more quickly than most people drink champagne, I sighed. Technically, I'm not of drinking age, but no one ever noticed an eighteen year old coolly grabbing glass. Or maybe I just look older than I am.

I set the champagne glass on the balcony's marble railing-what a fancy house-and rested my hands on the cool rail and closed my eyes. It was nearly silent there, the murmuring of voices just drifting out to me. Eventually, I went back in to inconspicuously grab another glass of the relaxing drink. Then another…and another…

"I think that's more than enough for you."

I jumped at the voice, spinning to see who had joined my solitude and becoming dizzy and lightheaded with the sudden movement. Pressing my cool hand to my forehead, I glared at the intruder of peace.

"Get lost." I muttered, wondering if my words were slightly slurred or it was just my dizziness making it sound that way, "What do you care anyways?" I rolled my eyes, but shot him a dark look as his fingers pried the nearly empty glass from my hands.

"You could get into trouble, you know." He shook his head disapprovingly, but I only turned to face the railing, unable to meet his brown eyes.

"Don't care." I stated simply. I honestly _didn't_ care at that point. Was I drunk, then? I didn't even know.

"Tess," Nate speaking my name made my stomach drop, but I dismissed it as the affect of alcohol, "I never knew you drank." He breathed, sounding quite disappointed.

"Don't. 'Till tonight." Short phrases were probably best seeing as I didn't sound quite normal.

"Let's get you out of here…" he suggested softly, one of his hands gently pulling my wrist in a way of leading me, but I shook him off.

"Just leave me 'lone." I complained, but Nate was never one to give up so easily.

"Listen to me," Nate ordered sternly, grabbing my hand this time and making me freeze, "We're going to walk as casually as possible through the crowds and get to a limo. No one will have to know you were drinking underage if you just do what I say. I know you don't care now, but in the morning, you'll regret this mistake."

He talked too much for me to even comprehend. By the time he had shut up, I'd forgotten what he said at the beginning. However, I just shrugged and let him lead me from the balcony, knowing that his hand over mine was the trick he didn't know he possessed in making me obey silently.

I don't remember anything after that until we were inside a limo, the soft humming of the engine making me feel drowsy. Nate was muttering something about being lucky we made it into the same vehicle without being caught by the paparazzi and I'd better appreciate something, blah, blah blah…

I was in a blissful state. Nate was seated beside me in a dark, comfortably warm limo as the lights flashed by us. It didn't even take a thought for me to push closer next to him and rest my head on his shoulder. He froze, but I was too unfocused to realize I may have been making him uncomfortable.

"You're warm…" I murmured, feeling half asleep as one of my hands rested on his knee. He smelled good, too. His cologne was like intoxication better than any amount of champagne could be.

Nate remained silent, and maybe that was his mistake, for the next thing I knew, I'd leant up and pressed my glossed lips against his soft ones. He didn't kiss me back, but I didn't notice-I was a bit too drunk to kiss him properly anyway. Just sat there with my lips resting on his for who knows how long.

His hot hand on my bare shoulder pushed me away gently and in my state it made me unable to contain my emotion at the being rejected. I was fully aware of the salty tears flowing freely down my cheeks at his rejection-I pushed as far away from him as my seat belt would allow, which wasn't far.

"Tess-Tess-" Nate's whisper sounded slightly frantic, as if he wasn't quite sure of something, but my mind wasn't working properly-I probably heard wrong, "Please don't cry…"

"You don't love me, Nate, and you never will. That's a good reason to cry." I replied surprisingly clearly for the state I was in. The solemness of my words and his silence didn't strike me at that point-I wasn't even aware of what I'd said, really.

My head ached quite a bit as I blinked back the sunlight streaming in through the curtains. For a moment, I sat up disoriented and completely at loss as to where I was. Definitely not my own room-or a familiar room, even.

As hard as I tried, I couldn't remember anything from the limo ride the night before-except that I had gotten very emotional and made an idiot of myself somehow in front of Nate. I was officially an idiot.

Finally, my head cleared enough o register the sound of a shower running and the fact that I was still in my red dress from the party, my heels laying abandoned on the foot of the bed on top of the covers.

I felt dirty from sleeping in my clothes and noticed the bed hadn't even been messed up-I'd collapsed, possibly, the moment I hit the bed. The only thought running speedily through my mind was the hope that whoever was showering was either a girl or he had slept on the couch with the blankets thrown in disarray over the armrest.

To my dismay, upon investigation, I found a t-shirt folded neatly on the couch-and it was definitely not Caitlyn's (the only person I thought _may_ have cared _just enough_ of to take me in). I was in a hotel room.

Mind still slightly fogged, I didn't even think as I tore out of my dress and slipped the t-shirt on instead, feeling much more comfortable in the cotton. Before being able to regret it, I slipped under the neat covers of the bed and fell asleep again, my messy hair falling over my face.

I jumped awake and sat up quickly, heart pounding for reasons I didn't understand. For a moment, all I could do was blink and hope that the image before me was some freak dream. Nate was watching me with concern written plainly on his face, a towel wrapped around his waist and clothes in his free hand.

"Oh, crap." Nice choice of words on my part, I know. But it was at that moment that the conversation and events in the limo the night before came rushing back. I was fully aware of the fact that my face was probably bright red. I was mortified with myself. I didn't want to face him after what had happened.

Without giving him a second glance, I scrambled from the bed and fled to the only escape I had without running down the hotel hallway-the still warm and steamy bathroom. The door was locked before he came to his senses, but it was only a few seconds before I heard his tentative knock on the door.

"Tess?"

I squeezed my eyes shut and bit my lip, panicking and frantically wishing the moment away. It was a dream. It had to be a dream. I didn't want him to know how I felt for him. It was a nightmare-unfortunately, not literally.

"Tess, open the door."

What could I say? I'd lost all dignity I may have had last night in the limo before I kissed him. I remained silent, leaning against the door and groaning silently to myself before sliding down to sit on the vinyl.

"Let me in…please…"

"No." I managed to rasp, realizing with disgust that I was crying-again, "Go away."

"Tess Tyler, I've done you a favor and you're not treating me with much gratitude. Now open this door. Now." Nate's tone was threatening, but it only further convinced me that for my own good, the door would remain closed and locked. It was the only barrier keeping me from completely losing all dignity and confidence in myself.

The locked door was the one thing keeping me sane.

"Fine."

To this day, I still don't know how long I remained locked in the bathroom, but it seemed like hours. However, when I gathered up the courage-maybe he was gone, it was silent-to unlock the door as quietly as possible, he was still standing guard.

He was too fast. Before I had time to freak out, he'd pushed the door open and forcefully entered the room. I tried to dart away but he shut the door behind him and leaned on it, trapping me in.

His eyes were piercing and I was frozen-never before had I felt claustrophobic in a bathroom.

"Nate, please let me out." I begged weakly. What more could I lose? My dignity and pride were _long_ gone.

"We need to talk." He pointed out firmly and it was then that I noticed he hadn't abandoned his post outside the door even to dress-he still held the towel around him, his curls dripping.

"I was stupid. I got drunk. I said things I didn't mean." I rambled frantically, "Now, there-we talked. Let me out."

"That's not the end of it." He shook his head and I raked a hand through my hair-it probably looked revolting. I couldn't care less at that point.

"Just leave me alone, Nathan." I hissed, using my last resort in my panicked state-anger. I tried to push him aside, but it was useless as I'm sure you guessed. It only made things worse, in fact, due to the fact that he wrapped an arm around my waist to hold me tightly-as if trying to force me to remain calm.

"Tess…" If I hadn't been broken and crushed inside before, I was at this point. I could feel his warm skin through the t-shirt I had stolen from him. He wouldn't be satisfied, though, because I wouldn't meet his eyes.

I would stare at his neck as long as it took to make him give up and go away.

He was dragging the rejection out longer than necessary. He was evil.

"Nate…please just let me go…" I felt the fresh tears running down my cheek and watched in pain as a couple fell onto his bare chest that he was holding me against. Not daring to release me, his other hand reached up and pressed against my hair.

Pity. I hate pity.

"I can't let you go, you'll run away." He murmured in my ear, warm breath tickling my cheek and making he shiver as I submitted to his strong hold and relaxed against him. It was impossible to hold up my stubborn unwillingness. I'd always wanted to rest against him and here was probably my only chance, "And please stop crying…it hurts me to see you crying…"

I froze in shock when his lips tickled my neck. What was this? Some kind of sick game to make me feel even worse? Wasn't Nate supposed to be the sweet one-not the game player? I felt my eyes close, though, against my will. I hated the power he had over me.

"Did you mean what you said last night in the limo?"

"I was drunk." I stated icily, not wanting to let him know what an affect he was having on me.

"Doesn't mean you couldn't be honest."

"What did I say? I probably don't even remember." My voice shook a little that time, letting him know he'd won.

"I would think…" Nate brushed his lips up my neck to whisper in my ear, "that even drunk one would remember implying that they loved someone…"

I'm ashamed to admit it, but I did whimper softly at his words. Never before did I feel so weak, hurt, and disgusted with myself. I didn't want to admit the truth, but I didn't want to lie-he would see right through the lie, anyways.

At my horribly pitiful sound, though, Nate pulled his head back sharply to look at my face piercingly again, "Is that so bad?..."

I don't know why I did, but I reluctantly met his eyes. They were burning. With something I didn't even know what. There was no smile on his face. In fact, he was frowning. But it was at that moment that he swept down and caught my lips in a literally breath taking kiss.

And I realized what an ignorant fool I had been that morning. He hadn't been mad at me for last night. He had just wanted me to admit I meant that I loved him.

The kiss was like no other.

I still won, though, because I never admitted to meaning the words I spoke in the limo. He kissed me before I confirmed the truth of my drunk confession. I still won, even though I failed to keep up my lie. I guess it was a failing victory.

**Pleeeaaaasssee review. :D**


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